I like yew trees

They're big and fluffy.

There have been so many things I could write about the way I feel and what I'm thinking, but I've talked about it so much already I simply don't have the energy to recount everything here. I'm totally drained of deep conversation, so sorry blog. First come, first serve. Well, I don't suppose it's entirely your fault considering you can't call me, but why am I talking to a cyberspace entity anyway, moving on.

I've been slogging through a short story that's going to be composed of three metaphorical themes. It's probably about 5% reality. Maybe less. It fits the way I feel about recent events, plus a dose of dramatization just to give it a little more kick, but I've been having a hell of a time getting my thoughts in order. The problem with these totally unrealistic themes is that readers can't completely relate to this right away. They might be able to relate to the feeling and what kind of idea I'm trying to get across but they can't quite set the scene. So, I either have to describe the shit out of them, or be so artistically ambiguous that it works out. And it's hard to do that and not sound like a fucking idiot.

I am determined not to be caught by surprise by what I'm dealing with. Not, not, not going to be caught by surprise. I can't be, can I? It's like dealing with myself plus some very masculine aspects. As cranky as I am right now I can't deny that I love having a sparring partner. Besides, I'm too relaxed in general to really let anything ruffle me too much.

Maybe I'm not the complicated one. Or maybe I am too and being a chick just makes my problems more subtle and...er, subordinate, in a way. I'm no hardcore feminist, I don't mind saying males tend to dominate things or anything because they have to in certain aspects or the relationship ends up skewed. I am just a little easier going about this, though. I listen more and just have an intense outburst every now and then. Not sure why, but if I wasn't a better listener I'm sure that would pose a gigantic problem. Two extremely passionate and self-possessed people...oh boy. Yeah, I can do neutralizer. It's a necessity. Natural for me anyway.

But that does make me wonder if I will ever be the one not having to take the "tolerating" role in a relationship. Maybe it's a matter of gender. I'm still learning about men, considering I've never technically been with one...heh...so I'll see how things go. I don't think I'd like the feeling of being "tolerated" anyway. He wouldn't wanna deal with that, anyway.

'Nother football game tonight. I can't wait to see Lily and Bella. Leetle qtpies.

saturday, 2 to 5

"This is big."






:]

lizzy say what now

I. Cannot. Concentrate.

I'm reading the lengthy, elaborate dialogue of Pride and Predjudice but I couldn't tell you what the hell was just talked about or who exactly was even participating in the conversation(partly because it takes some deciphering to begin with and partly because I'm just not processing it).






It's so stable it's fragile, I'm so comfortable I'm uncomfortable.


You're so great you scare the shit out of me.







Is it really supposed to be this easy? Seriously. Give me that first unsettling vibe. Display some deep-rooted social issue that I'll have to swallow in order to make things work. Tell me you're a Mormon or you have a mutilation fetish or something. If you don't start showing that you're fucked up, I'm going to worry that I'm the one who is.

It's never anyone's job but mine to tolerate the issues, but...I can't find anything to tolerate, and that's...intolerable.

in my element

The summer had burned with some fire bright
borne of consuming the forest.
It brought to my attention was was brittle.
I borrowed it to burn, and tired of tending to it thereafter.

I fueled those flames for too long.
I have left them behind
but still he bites at my pride
and he begs for embraces.

Then
the rush.
Calm, quenching
all-encompassing.
It came quickly, in frothing expanses
vast stretches of sea, wide arms of ocean
a thousand leagues below, above, beyond.
It wrapped ash and steam in one swift wave
and swept them away.

I forsake forest and flame for the flow.

hurricane

emotions? overrated.
so why am I so overrun?

love is overreacting
electrical charges

my hand
your plug.




Ever since our AP English class has started talking about phallic symbols I've gotten some kind of sexual edge to everything I'm writing. I'm not sure what to make of it.

I'm tight on time. I can't really describe what's going on properly in just half an hour. But I'm doing three things: reading, writing, and consequently bettering myself. Which is nice. I'm just gonna hit all the highlights and get back to catching up with Breah: I like James Joyce, I like the Bronte sisters, and I like...classics in general, I've really got a fresh insight on everything now.

I've got ideas for an extremely metaphorical piece I'll be doing on names. Real updates soon!

level 99 mewtwo

I want this to the point where I consider all aspects of it, and it's beginning to feel very delicate. In what ways are we compatible, in what ways could he or I possibly end up irking the other, in what ways will those shortcomings have to strike a balance...it doesn't weigh terribly heavily on my mind, but I do set aside some time every day to think about it.

I should probably stop having such high hopes. But it's...really great. I'm afraid I can't deny that I owe a fairly large percentage of the cause of my recent euphoria to it.

Not the largest percentage, though!





Ah, things are so good.

I hope they continue to go well. Even if they don't, I'll be glad just to have had this experience...and who's to say it couldn't possibly continue at a later point in time?



But...I definitely want them to go well for a very long while.

fuck, that's so good

There have been so many new developments in my life in the past week that I just haven't really been able to update properly. My thoughts and feelings have shifted radically throughout Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and I'm feeling pretty incredible. Too incredible to describe properly in words. All I can say is I really can't wait to see how the rest of my life is going to pan out with my new mindset and opportunity.

It's a bit bittersweet, though.

Anyhow, first week of school is over with. I'm a lot more familiar with Mrs. Britt and the Health Occ. chicks and things are feeling less new and more comfortable now. I scored the highest on an AP practice test today, brag brag boast boast. I feel alright about my comprehensive skills but they could be a far stretch better. When Mom gets home I'm going to give her the list of everything I plan to read and have her check off which ones should be my first priority. I feel like hitting up the Shakespeare first though, so I might read some new ones and go more in-depth on the ones I've always liked but never really seriously studied. Then I'll go about finding all the books I should read. I really might not even read some of them if I can't get into them yet...I can only absorb from that which I'm truly interested in. I might as well save some for later literary ventures, when I reach levels of wisdom that can only be attained with the passage of time. We'll see how things go.

I'm having a lot of fun learning medical terminology and abbreviations. During downtime I'm either looking through all of those, or checking out the list of suffixes and prefixes, since all the cranio- cardio- cheerio- what have you form the basis of medical jargon. Lovin' that Latin, haaaay.

All nerding around aside, the thing about Health Occ is that every girl in there, the teacher included, are soft, simple-and-sensibly-minded maternal women. I have the only potential doctor edge in the class. Not that I'm bragging. It's just everyone's vibe. I'm not maternal, I'm a companion. Besides that, my thing for English helps me along. I finish work faster, rephrase concepts in concise manners, and, according to my classmates, "use big words."

It's just not exactly easy to learn from Mrs. Allgood, because she is, after all, a nurse, and for the most part she can better associate with and teach potential nurses. Really lovely lady, our vibes just...don't quite mesh. I'll learn everything she has to offer, though. And I don't think it would hurt to incorporate a little of that maternal vibe into myself, but I don't plan on forcing anything. Whatever feels natural.

Besides, everyone I know would be like wtfbbq if I suddenly became all motherly and cuddly. Do not want.





...I really wonder what will happen in the next couple of months.