"shit hanna does"

Hello, and welcome to the 23463862384532th installment of "Shit Hanna Does!"

I knew something was wrong from the way he looked at me. If he was still so fucking enthralled about being with me, he wouldn't have been able to stop smiling, the way I was. I always get giddy about seeing him.

Oh, but no. A long enough period of time has passed that Hunter begins to believe that "shit I've done" has built up. Except now that he wants to stay with me, he's going to act like he's making some kind of huge personal sacrifice because he's "dealing with all my shit." That might be what pisses me off the most. If anyone makes a sacrifice in this relationship, it is me. If anyone puts up with horrible shit in this relationship, it is me. If anyone gets dumped and framed as someone who is bad and should be dumped, it is me.

I am the purest, most devoted girlfriend he could possibly ask for. I'm not a whore. I'm no longer even a flirt. I have my guy friends, but they are very simply guy friends. I thought Hunter had matured enough to handle that. I certainly don't care that he has some girl friends. As long as he stays true to me, and doesn't hide anything important from me, I'm good. That's what I do, after all. And I thought that's how he would do it, too. Apparently he still has his old trust issues, even though there isn't anything not to trust me about anymore.

He also likes to get mad about anonymous applications because I can't really prove that I haven't done anything. But I really haven't, and shouldn't my word be proof enough? Shouldn't he just trust me in the first place, and know that even if I used some anonymous thing, I wouldn't be using it to do anything bad? How is that even relevant to our relationship to begin with!? It's all just for entertainment! That's what everybody uses it for! You'd be silly to take it seriously. But nope, everything is fair game when it comes to "Shit Hanna Does!"

Among other "Shit" that "Hanna Does!" includes: getting unlimited texting so she could text Melodie 24/7, not giving out her Myspace password and then not being able to give it out anyway because it will immediately be assumed that she did some huge cleanup beforehand, putting up too many photos on a mostly male forum community that she doesn't even pay attention to and hasn't been on in weeks anyway, making strange new friends even though strange people are the only kind of people she can get along with, having a bunch of other secret accounts exclusively for attention-whoring that she has no idea even exist, keeping folders within folders of hardxcore porn on her computer that she doesn't have a clue about either, and breathing.

God.

What happened to the Hunter from the first few weeks? The one who said hey, I'm going to reassure you. I'm going to get rid of all that doubt you have for me. I know that I did something really stupid, but I'm going to make it up to you. And I will never, ever break up with you again.

Now it's back to old Hunter. Old Hunter makes problems out of thin air and accuses me of doing shit on groundless suspicions. Old Hunter wouldn't trust me for a million dollars. I don't want old Hunter. I want the Hunter from the first few weeks. The one who understood that I worried for a reason. The one who trusted me. The one who didn't care about anything else but repairing our relationship. The one who absolutely showered me with affection and attention, and whose love I never doubted. The Hunter I've always wanted.

Just what the fuck happened to him? I really, really miss him. He needs to swoop in and rescue me from old Hunter and make me ridiculously happy all the time again.

I am so sick of old Hunter. I hope he drowns in a steaming vat of human waste. I want the Hunter from June back, and I want him to stay.