violet violins violate violently and...vibrate

There aren't many words that begin with vio.

I've been crying off an on all morning and I'm really not even sure why. But when Hunter said hello everything seemed all right with him again. It was like this before, too. He regresses back to his old self for a few hours, and suddenly everything is okay by the next time we talk even though I'm still all geared up to act cool and indifferent. I always expect a fight to mean the end, because that's how it's always been, but he's starting to act like these bitchy spells never happened so I let down my guard.

I don't know if this is a sign of improvement or what. He said he used to let small things "get to him" and that's why he would dump me on a whim, and now I guess they don't "get to him." But I just don't like seeing bits and pieces of the old Hunter infiltrate the new Hunter, unless that means the old Hunter is on his way out and just appears in small windows every now and then. Maybe it's hard to control the old reaction, and after it passes he just wants to pretend it never happened?

At any rate, I feel alright now. The short crying spells only lasted till I talked to Hunter again. I guess I just felt like I was on that downhill slide again. But nowadays arguments don't lead to a decline; we stay on level ground and sometimes just step in a hole.

I overreacted a little in the previous entries. Not that what I said wasn't all absolutely true, and I am not taking back a single word. Except maybe some of the cursewords. I just get so frustrated, and write it all in such an angry way. Really, all of what I wanted to express can be summed up in a few lines: I don't know if he will ever understand what he does, or appreciate what he has. It's so draining to deal with and I just wish I could get in his head and open his eyes.

As far as current events, Jared's birthday party was as lulz-inducing as I expected it to be, and his cak was an absolute masterpiece. I got to hang with Breah one-on-one too, which was fun. I suppose not every female on the planet hates my guts; every new friend lately has been a girl. First Breah, then Abby, then Shena. I guess they just fit the self-security criteria. It's really nice.

I want to sleep out of boredom...but then I don't, because I feel like I should be doing something. Restless, hallo