mindsick, heartsick, bodysick

All right, so that last post caught me at a very emotional and ineloquent time.

I don't know. I don't even want to bother sometimes. Relationships are just too damn complicated. People innately suck. So people interacting on an intimate level is nothing more than a disaster waiting to happen. Well, that's not true, there is something more to it. But I've been re-reading Catcher in the Rye so it's encouraged the cynic in me. I'm just not one to prattle off the long slang and curseword-ridden sentences that it's known for. Not really my style.

I feel bitter and wronged. I'd like to hide behind a titanium anti-people shield the way Alex does. It seems really safe back there, but I'm not sure if it's that I can't bring myself to stomp out my own last bit of hope in people like that or if I simply can't do it, period.

Anyway, current events. Today I started my 50 hour A+ gig. I keep getting mistaken for a damn sixth grader, which kinda pisses me off because I know I don't carry myself like some kid. I guess I can't really blame them for it, since their perception of people is still largely based on physical appearances, and I do look really young. And I'm sure I'll appreciate it when I'm 26 and can still pull off 21, but I can't deny that it really irritates me for now. I tried to present myself in the most professional way possible, which may well have even come off as a bit arrogant, but kids still tried to interact with me the way they would with any other middle-schooler. I guess I'm too approachable. Or maybe I just looked pathetic, sitting at lunch alone with my nose in a book. But I didn't give a shit. I wanted to sit alone, damn it.

Whatever, whatever, whatever.