butterflies

There are so many thoughts rushing through my head that I can't pin any down to examine them more closely.

I hope and pray that love prevails.
But then I wonder if it's really over,
and I consider other connections,
but when I say anything out loud
I know I always go with my heart.

And my heart says his name immediately when I ask it a question, regardless of how confused I am.

There was love there on his part, I think. What convinces me the most is the way he said goodbye the last time he was here. I know that something had to have been there because when he said or did something that felt real, I felt like a child. Usually I feel high above him because I care for him more deeply than I think he will ever be able to realize. But when he held me like that, I felt juvenile; like I didn't quite understand something that was going on. Maybe that's why he left. He probably felt like that all the time. Always under my wing.

I never thought Hunter would be capable of a love like mine until a lot later. A love that's so overwhelming, it makes the recipient feel small and incomparable to it. But now that I think about it, every time we had the time to say a long goodbye to each other, I always felt that. Shadowed by his feelings for me.

I cried really hard last night before I went to sleep. The kind of cry that makes you sore in the morning.