burned away

So as soon as everything about my relationship and our separate ways to love becomes abundantly clear to me, ssshkapow. He breaks things off. I guess it was well-timed. I would've only suffered, I suppose...

This is sounding overly...neutral, considering. I am sad, the little bottle of sleeping pills sitting at the top of the computer monitor is representative of that. But both of my control centers, i.e. brain and heart, have either shut down or gone haywire, so I'm running on a reserve tank at the moment and obviously it's carefree and passively optimistic. Probably because it knows it has to combat a suicidal urge reflex. Flowers n' bunnies, flowers n' bunnies.

A new option has popped up, and his name's not Alex. I have to admit that he might be half the reason that I'm handling this so well, but I can't say I'm not just used to getting dumped. Anyway, that's all I care to divulge about him at the present time. I feel I must not neglect to mention that the actual Alex is coming through for me already via humorously themed texts, Breah's being supportive too, and I'm sure Jared will throw another party when I tell him. Mom will be home in fourteen days, too. So it's good. When my reserve tank runs out I'll have my safety net.

I know I'm playing the waiting game again, and normally I'm more conscious about what I do during breakups so I don't permanently screw any chances of getting back together, but fuck it if I can't seem to give a shit.

I'm gonna have some good, clean, fun.

A HELL of a lot of it.