soapy meditation

Last night while I soaked in the tub, I realized that lately I've lost my cool.

I got past all the worrying and fretting about small things back during the six week silence, why did I regress back to that? I had become a really laid-back person, and stopped being the neurotic little wad I always used to be. My catchphrase was "it's whatever" and I never let anything ruffle me. Even after Hunter and I got back together, I didn't care about what he had done or the girls he'd be around. I was just happy to be with him and trusted that he would stay, and if he didn't, then I would just be able to consider him an idiot and wait on him to come back again.

Regardless of how I lost it, I have decided to get it back. I really liked that version of myself. All calm, collected, and totally with the flow. Never worried, always chill. It probably wavered when I went to New York and kept thinking I would get dumped again the way I got dumped the last time I traveled. But I didn't, and things are as if I'd never left. Also, the day before, Hunter talked so nonchalantly about going to California for college, putting 1700+ miles between us, that I can only assume he's got no problem at all with staying with me despite a major distance. So why should I have a problem with...anything? If he's got faith, I should, too. Worrying would be such a waste of synapses.

Back to the old mantra.



It's whaaaaaateverrrrrrrrr.









Mmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmm, that feels much better