rantastic

My mom has the worst fucking temper known to man.

I understand that she's upset because I haven't been cooperating and she's about to basically lose her last opportunity to be a daughter. I have acknowledged that I am a massive bitch and I've been selfish and disrespectful. I should've realized that the only reason my father was being negative was because I've been passively negative, instead of just causing it to get worse. And I've already decided to make a turn around, which is a pretty big step from the way I always tried to justify shit. And it's also pretty fucking difficult considering how pissed I am that the punishment is basically going to be centered around a ban from Hunter. That could not have been pointed to a more vulnerable spot. Even biology is going to fuck with me, what with the oxycotin withdrawals and shit.

When mom gets mad she tends to get halfway fucking irrational. And she thinks she's always completely right. Which of course, she usually is, but then she uses that to justify some extreme punishment. i.e., fucking up my senior year. My dad is trying to keep me around, but he has to impose some hardcore punishment in order to do so. Fuck, I'm not even going to enjoy New York now, knowing I'm going to come home to a foot-long list of bans. And hell, when she comes home, she'll probably still hate me. She can really hold a grudge.

I just hope the bans get lifted before Hunter is licensed to drive. We've been looking forward to that so much. I'm going to be on my best behavior, but I don't know if it will be enough.

Mom is always the go-to person when my cousins need help or advice. But when they fuck up they never get this explosion. I suppose I could attribute it to her frustration, since it's her own daughter, but it's still pretty fucked up. I would appreciate a bit of leeway, especially since I'm clear on when I make mistakes.

Whatever. I have to go to bed, Papa sleeps at 10:30.