cheap soap & failbagel

I'm glad the sun went away and it rained. I'm just not cut out for the obnoxiously bright countryside afternoons that I see so often. It makes me feel obligated to go out and pick cotton and square dance and screw my cousin or something.

I prefer overcast skies and rain to anything else; the kind of weather that gives your house a dim, gray light and percussive background sound, and tells you to stay in and read and play guitar all day. Granted, an atmosphere like that looks a lot better in an urban setting because the colors match, but there is one good thing about gray skies in the country. Every color of the world looks muted except the grass and leaves, and the relative dullness of everything else makes their deep green color seem even more vivid. It's kinda mystical.

I'm probably the only person in the world who would prefer it rain on her birthday.

At some point today I hit an extreme low and considered offing myself, but now my brain is totally empty of thought. I want to worry about everything, but my neurons just aren't calling up any of my usual concerns. I guess it's a subconscious survival mechanism of some sort. My brain probably knows that if I consider all this shit any deeper, I'll just go into a downward spiral that'll end with my head in the oven.

I think the shutdown happened while I was in the tub, soaping myself absentmindedly for probably over thirty minutes. I don't know what the hell I was doing, but boy, do I smell GOOD after all that. I used the crap out of that cheap bar soap that I bought last night with Jon. Ah, which reminds me of how I've been failing consecutively for the past 48 hours...

At nine o'clock last night, I went to Walmart looking for the cheapest soap I could find. I was looking for cheap soap because good soap is supposed to moisturize your skin and make it nice and smooth, but my skin produces enough moisture on its own. I discovered that since I'd been using that cheap hotel soap I stole from the Sheraton in Kansas City, I haven't had any body breakouts. So there I was, on the hunt for a bar soap that would give me the squeaky clean feeling that the hotel's cheapy stuff did. After about twenty minutes of trying to figure out which cheap soap smelled the best, I decided on some $2.50 Olay stuff and we left.

Well, I get to the car and read the package, and it says "doesn't dry out your skin like regular soap."

Then, this morning I got up and decided I wanted to eat a sesame seed bagel. So I take a bagel out, stick it in the microwave to defrost, and then cut it in half. So far, so good. I stick it in the toaster, set the settings to bagel, and wait. It pops up and I discover that the bread side that I'm supposed to butter had hardly been toasted at all. Well, I waited a little while for the toaster to cool off, then I popped them back in again. I figure, oh well, I like them crispy anyway. It pops up again, and it's still hardly toasted.

It was then that I finally noticed that the wrong sides of the bagel halves were burned to hell and back; I had put them in the wrong way.

As for the rest of the day, there was that spaced out soaping incident and the fact that I am now very shamelessly wearing matching pajamas. With kitties on them.

And thus have I failed for two days in a row.