super seventeen?

The best gift by far this year was getting to talk to Jared at the wee hours of the morning and realizing what a genuine person he really is. It restored the chunk of my faith in humanity that got raped by the bitter reality of the situation that I'm currently dealing with. I could go way in depth on what I learned about him, but I'm not really in the mood to write a big speech about morals. I have the message history saved, anyway. I can always just look through it and brag some other time.

Hunter popped up online for about an hour yesterday. It came as a surprise...for about five seconds. And the fact that he couldn't even muster up enough nerve to say happy birthday to me didn't exactly blow my mind either. But I wish he would've at least said hello...there won't be anymore special excuses to say something to me for a long, long while. He was listening to Hey You, by Pink Floyd. I seriously thought about messaging him and telling him to watch The Squid and the Whale since that song is in it and that's where I first heard it. But it was my damn birthday, I shouldn't have had to message anyone first. Not even if it's about the gift from God that is Pink Floyd.

All that aside, for my birthday I went with Plan B: ridiculous amounts of fun. I went to Jonesboro with Jared and Breah and Mellie and Jake. I always feel a bit like a fifth wheel when we all hang out together but no one seems to mind, so I guess that's all that really matters. I kinda feel like they're the older siblings I've been wishing I had, the ones who understand what's going on with me and would like nothing more than to remove Hunter's legs and beat some sense into him with them. I really wish he wasn't younger than me now that I've gotten this far. These ten months between us are making more of a difference than I thought, but if he ever gets past this then our next relationship might actually be a lasting one.

Gah, I keep veering off to talk more about Hunter. Goes to show you what the main thing on my mind always is. Back to the birthday celebration...

I finally bought a few things that I've been needing: a guitar connection cord (in a very nice blue shade, I might add) and the book about hormones that I borrowed from the library ages ago and really liked. I'm going to hit up Amazon for the rest of the Sylvia Plath books that I've been looking for and I've also got to find Final Fantasy IX. I still haven't had a chance to play that, and I really want to.

I thought about buying the Pink Floyd poster with all the naked girls on it, but I figured that would be kind of a strange thing for a girl to have, even if I do insist that I think it was a well done design and not some kind of soft porn. It is a really creatively designed poster; I probably should've bought it anyway. But I just got the Wish You Were Here one. Not quite as colorful, but still pretty cool. And I also got a really nice, short blue strapless dress at Pacsun. It was a bit of an impulse buy, but when I tried it on again at home I'm glad I got it. It's flattering.

I've already learned a few things about being seventeen in the short time that I have been, because I feel like I've been climbing towards this point for several weeks now. I thought I was going to hate this age for all the heartache it'll bring me, but I think being seventeen just might not be quite as bad as I expect...