"we accept the love we think we deserve"

Why does that sound so ominous to me?

I don't think I'm so self-destructive that I would believe I actually deserve the most difficult relationship I could've picked. What's more, I'm starting to get flustered about this shitty hand that I've been dealt, and if I had truly convinced myself that this was all I deserved I would be sickeningly accepting of it. Which well, I have accepted it, but in kind of a bitter, regretful way. At any rate, I'm not like one of those crazy women who get beaten by their husbands and then blame themselves for it.

My brain feels like it's filled with static. I want to write some more shitty freeform poetry, but I feel like there's some kind of stressed blockage. I need to get my chill back. Normally I'm such a hippie as far as my take on life, but I've been feeling so tense and wound up. Somethin's killin' my groove, man.

I guess it's because death's closing in on all sides, and senior year's about to hit me like a train. I so shouldn't be this anxious about it. I won't really be forced to socialize all that much anyhow, I'll be scrubbing old people or studying the human body with the same group for half of every day and every other class is going to be all business anyway, so I guess there's really nothing to worry about. I think the only thing bothering me is the fact that I don't have my license yet...

Bah, it's whatever. I'll get it eventually.

I've got a shitload of housework to do so I'll be back with more to say later.