baskets & oceans

I almost forgot how well we connected. These last few days of near-constant conversation have reminded me that there's really a hell of a lot of chemistry between us. A rare and precious click, a compatibility on several levels. And every time we get back together, he opens up more and more. I hardly have to press him to speak his mind anymore. He's said a lot of very meaningful things and taken his role as reassurer and relationship-repairman without a single qualm.

So I'm sitting in his figurative ocean of a love that I seriously hope is something everlasting, with a single floatie on my arm symbolizing my doubt. I want to dive in and never look back, but that would just be stupid after suffering through a breakup for the third time. I have to make sure that this is permanent before making a move like that, not just for my sake, but for my family, who've been worried sick about how my love life was so in the shitter and how sad I've been. But I am certain that at this rate, I will get there. We will get there. We will dive together.

All the poetic language and analogies aside, I'm a pretty happy camper. I have hardly a single complaint on how things are going between us right now. And we've made plans to hang out tomorrow and take lots of photos together and stargaze(which is what we did briefly the second night we saw each other, first night we talked again), so I'm really excited about that. The only thing that's making me nervous anymore is the Ashley factor.

It's really obvious that she's into Hunter now, or at least attached to him. She's been bitching at him about how he "changed things" between them by getting back with me. So I'm not particularly comfortable with this friendship of theirs. I haven't been for over a year now, since that damn kiss. Attention whore. But whatever, if Hunter's really serious about our relationship then it'll never be important enough to divide us. So I suppose this could be used as a vantage point: if Ashley can screw things up, anything else can in the long run. Kind of a "worth it or not" determinant, I guess.

I really need to see Hunter and talk to him in person. So much more could be said via expression and action. And I'm eager to see how he actually looks when he says something. It's one thing to write something heartfelt, entirely another to look me in the eye and say them.

Just one more daaaaay!