fraz spaz

A lot has gone on in New York that I'd like to write about, but right now I'm so totally drained that a few paragraphs will be about as much as I can muster. I'll recount the weeks' events when I get home and recuperate properly. I need a vacation from my vacation. Ha!

I feel like the weight of the world is sitting on my neck. Well, that might just be the five ton wad of mucus in my head. New York in July is like home in September, which is when my annual allergies always kick in. So here I sit, uncomfortable as hell, stomach bloated from cramps and head full of snot, and there are too many little stressors floating around in my thoughts to keep a good mood going for more than twenty minutes. All that and my repressed rage...I can't believe I haven't just snapped and strangled someone yet. It's nothing short of a miracle.

I'm worried about everything, even though Hunter told me there was nothing to worry about. I listed everything that made me nervous in explicit detail last night in a lengthy message to him, since I figured the best way to get relief is to leave no question unanswered and no worry unexplained. It's been a very good strategy so far. But of course, the stupid message failed to send, so I freaked and had to get reassurance right away. God, I'm crazy.

Even though the message did malfunction, by writing everything out I felt better. After reading through it I realized how silly and trivial and sometimes completely out of nowhere all my worries are. I'm so negative and paranoid...what the hell's wrong with me? I guess I'm just too stressed. I haven't had much downtime at all. Always doing things and dealing with family and meeting a bunch of people that I don't even want to bother with. I could never stomach the things that Katie does, the stupidity and ignorance of the general public and socializing with them cheerfully and normally. I just can't do it. I don't have the patience, the tolerance, the anything. I just want to retreat to a corner and do my own thing until someone worth talking to comes along.

At least Tim feels the same. Ha! I'm glad Katie married him. He's a nice guy. And all socially awkward like me.